Dear Narrativity:
I came across your “journal” on-line, and was intrigued. It
is unlike anything I’ve seen before. The title is out of sight.
However, it is suspiciously close to Native Titty; do you all sit around
jerking off to nudie pictures in National Geographic? (LOL!) Or do you
just “deconstruct” it? Or are you NarrativiTV, something like
a cross-dresser who tells stories. Or is it NarraTVty, in which case you
like to watch your stories on television? My favorite is “As the
World Turns.” ( ;- )) (A parenthetical smiley-winky face, or maybe
a guy with a toupee and a double-chin, like my uncle.) Or better yet,
you’re like NarraTVTV, a cross-dresser on the tube, like Jack on
“Will and Grace!!”
Anyway, I would like to write an article for Narrativity. Please write
and tell me how many words to write and in what format — is e-mail
submission OK?
My article or story will be good for Narrativity because you’ll
learn something from it. Perhaps no one has been brave enough to tell
you this but your style is kind of weird because (a) you’re supposed
to be about stories but there are no stories in there at all that I can
see, and (b) you’re supposed to be a journal but your entries aren’t
dated and your style is totally unlike a journal—and I should know,
because I am the author of this pretty popular weblog which has gotten
lots of hits and maybe I could help you publicize your journal because
it’s pretty hard to find. (LOL!!) So I think you’ve probably
got a lot to learn from whatever article I write for you.
In a lot of my stories on my weblog, I begin at the beginning and middle
in the middle and finish at the ending—though I have been known
to be “experimental” at times. Now I have heard some about
postmodernism, but some of that shit stuff sh*t is just
so boring! Why “destabilize conventional narrative”1
as someone once said, when it’s much easier to catch bees with honey?
I know that what you’re trying to do is get people to examine stories—it’s
like my English teacher Mrs. Weiner says, “Go back to the text”—but
you’re going about it all wrong, you’re going back to before
the text, you have totally overshot your destination!!! Besides, by “dislocating”
people, all you’re doing is making them feel lost and angry, and
you end up hurting the very same people you say you are trying to help.
Okay, so please tell me how many words you want, and if there are any
special formatting requests you have. Thanks and good luck.
Sincerely,
Paul VanDeCarr
P.S. How much do you pay?
1
Author surname, given name. Title of Book. City: Publisher, YEAR.
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