When I was asked to do an article on sexuality, I had to give it a great deal of thought as I have touched on some of the aspects regarding this issue as a disabled person throughout my life. What advice can I give to the parents of a deaf-blind child? The most basic thing you can do for your child is to be straightforward, not to pretend that he doesn't know anything about sexuality. Don't assume that a disabled child would be without any sexual feelings or not have the capability to be a sexual human being. Make it an open issue in the household. There will come a time when your child, like any other child, will start to ask you questions about sex, especially in the adolescence years. Then they will have sexual relationships in their adult life.
I do recall as a child, around seven or eight years of age being aware about sexuality. We had an excellent book for children in our home library and it really explained how we came to be. The pictures were simple and colorful in illustrating this concept. I enjoyed the book so much that I would read it again and again. My mother would read it with me at first, then I read it on my own. By the age of nine I had a basic idea of what sexuality is all about. Yes, I was naturally curious about sexuality and I would try to observe rabbits in the act and then watch them have litters. To me it was part of my growing up and I believed that sexuality was a natural part of our lives. I never knew that child abuse had a name until I was in high school. I had a good upbringing but outside of the home I witnessed some form of abuse and as a child I didn't know what to do. When I was six and was placed in a deaf-blind class there was a young deaf-blind girl who was fifteen, the oldest pupil in the class. She lived near my home and also had a teenage deaf cousin. This cousin and his two friends were bullies and were rough. There were about five of us who rode the two hour commute back and forth to school. The girl's cousin and his friends took this as an opportunity to exploit her. I had to watch her struggle and try to cope with the boys' roughness. Not even the bus driver did anything about it. I didn't talk about it until I was in high school.
The example I just described can happen to your child. Any child having a disability can be at risk to be sexually exploited by anyone who thinks that this child won't squeal on the abuser. When it comes to some deaf-blind children, tactile techniques are used in order to communicate. (Being close to adults or using tactile sign language.) This does give a potential abuser the right to use these techniques as an opportunity to inflict abuse. I don't mean to alarm some parents but these are the possibilities. What can you do to prevent your deaf-blind child from possible abuse? First, make sure that the school or day-care center has strict background checks for employees. They will ask employees to swear that they have not been convicted of a felony. Then a fingerprint check can be used for any matches to a criminal record. This is designed to weed out our employees who may be potential abusers.
Second, teach a child the difference between a good touch or a bad touch. A good touch is hugging, shaking hands and using hands to communicate. A bad touch is touching private parts and feeling under clothes. That would be uncomfortable for the child as he will not know what is happening. As a parent, I know it will be a difficult subject to teach but it is important for the child to know in order to protect himself from abuse.
Third, tell the child that if a person does these things that are uncomfortable, the child can say no and get away from the person. He can tell you or someone he does trust. Emphasize that it is not his fault and that you, as a parent, will not be angry at the child if that happens. The person who does this will be punished.
Like any other adolescent, I went through the same process and I became aware of myself and my own sexuality. I dreamt of having a boyfriend, went through some crushes and dreamt of being the most attractive girl in school. These thoughts were normal. In fact, I never dated in high school but had a good social life going to parties and being with friends. Emphasize using birth control or abstaining from sex if your teen is sexually active and continue to have an open communication on this subject. I did wonder if I would ever find a man who would accept me for who I am and would love me for my intelligence and personality. It took me two colleges and two men (who weren't right for me) before meeting my future husband at a friend's wedding in Texas. I was about 27 at that time and I married him three years later. If you have concerns about whether your deaf-blind child will ever have a boyfriend or marry the right person, give it some time, as it depends on him or her. The grown up child will be frustrated at times and he or she will need your reassurance that he or she is a terrific person and the important thing is that your child be happy in life. Just be patient and eventually the right partner will be found.